March 22nd, 2004


Dreaming about dying.

I keep on having dreams (well, I should say, nightmares) about dying.

The first dream that I remember where I died happened when I was probably 16 years old. I don't remember the specifics of how I was killed, but I do think it was a mass killing, because people from my school were where I was afterwards. We were waiting in line. I got sorted to go to the left, which was this huge room that was basically a giant arcade. As I looked back from the sorting, I saw that one of my other classmates got sorted to the right, which was a bright and shiny room. That made me sort of sad, because I wanted to go where the bright shiny light was. Now, the arcade wasn't bad. It was filled with games, and my friends were there, and it was all about the fun. There was no real reason to be sad.

Now, the latest dreams have been occurring all within the last probably six months. The first of the dreams was dying by fire. I wasn't on fire, but I was killed by the heat of a very strong bomb. I woke up immediately. The second latest dream was dying by drowning. I woke up immediately. The third dream was dying by getting shot in the head by a gun. And the very latest dream was dying by, believe it or not, being smashed up against the wall by a very strong wind. I also woke up immediately.

In all of my latest dreams, there is a period of time where I know that I'm dead, but I haven't awakened. This period of time is probably not more than one second, sometimes even shorter than that. Let me tell you about this little second. It is complete darkness. I see nothing, but I'm still a conscious entity. I feel sadness. I think "I can't be dead!" I think about the people left behind. I have other thoughts. I wake up with a start.

I think it's all very freaky. In the dream where I got shot, right before the perpetrator pulled the trigger, he said, "Oh, I like her." He pointed the gun at me, and I was not scared. The next thing I knew, I was dead. After that, I was scared. I felt betrayed by that guy. I don't want to die.

The last two dreams occurred within a couple of nights of each other. Now I have another reason to hate sleep. This freaky dream update is brought to you by the letters "K" and "S" and the number nine.