October 5th, 2005

California

Spock & Theresa

It was 1996. I played the cymbals, and Matt played the tuba in our high school marching band. I became acquainted with him because we walked to band together every day. Toward the end of the school year, I said offhand, "We should hang out." That phrase was the match that lit the fuse.

Matt drove a teal colored GMC Jimmy. Sitting on the dashboard was a German shepherd head-bobber he had named Spock -- a present from his best friend, Evin. During the summer, my parents had somehow acquired large amounts of stuffed animals. They told me I should sell them door-to-door. It wasn't a successful venture, but I did get a girlfriend for Spock.

We named her Theresa, and she was a small white bunny who sat right next to Spock. I loved seeing her on the dashboard every time we drove somewhere together, and that was often. We went to the homecoming dance that year in the fall. Spock and Theresa double-dated with us when we went picnicking, moviegoing, adventuring, partying, and to concerts.

My parents found out that I was dating Matt exclusively. That was a big problem, not only because he was not the same religion that we were, but because ours said that "pairing off" at my age was wrong. By this time, however, it was hard to care about what my religion said about him.

By Christmas time, this became an issue that was causing me to grow further apart from my parents, my religion, and even my Matthew. He came to my holiday choir concert. Afterwards, my parents agreed he could take me home.

It was there, in the Jimmy, with Spock and Theresa looking on, we both tearfully decided to break up. After I got home that night, I cried so hard that I vomited. The next three days in a row, I couldn't stop myself from crying for more than a few moments -- even at school.

Fast-forward to February of 1997: we were still broken up, and I needed someone to take me to school. After exhausting all other possible options, I called Matt. Without much reluctance, he was soon at my house. We sat in the Jimmy in silence. My eyes wandered to the dashboard, naturally.

"Where's Theresa?" I wanted to know.

Matt muttered something ambiguous and noncommittal. I looked out the window, pretending like it didn't matter.

Three silent minutes later, we arrived at the school. I forget what, but I needed something that I thought could be in the glove compartment. I wondered why Matt was protesting me looking in there, when I found the reason.

Theresa. Not just stuffed in there, but also decapitated.

"Why?" I demanded, tears welling up, both hands clutching different halves of Theresa.

"It was Evin. He just went ultra-violent on her one day and bit her head off with his teeth."

"Why would he do that?" I accused. Matt must have said something.

Matt sputtered, "You know Evin.... he just does what he wants." He anxiously looked at my distraught countenance. "I couldn't stop him. He did it so fast."

We had been together long enough for me to know when he was lying. I gave him back both parts of Theresa. There was nothing else I could say to him without crying. I marched to my first class.

I had loved Matt entirely. Finding Theresa like that did not help my already broken heart. I viewed her as an innocent victim, but clearly she was an extension of me, and I wasn't innocent anymore.

As Theresa was an extension of me, I was an extension of her. She met the end of her relationship with Spock decapitated. The end of Matt and me left me likewise torn apart.