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Student teaching
Today, I spoke with my National University supervisor, and she was really concerned about getting me a classroom aide to help out with my student teaching. Now, I totally would not mind having an aide, but as of now, I would have to hire someone to do it for me, and I just cannot afford to pay for it. And, both my supervisor and my master teacher think that the school will and should provide me with one. This makes me really anxious and kind of spazzy, because I worry that if the school is responsible for supplying me with a classroom aide (and compensating said aide), that I am like a drain on the resources. I don't want to be dead weight, you know? It also makes me think that I won't be able to get hired because there is the issue of also providing the money for an aide. Why hire someone who requires something extra, when they could go with someone who doesn't?

Not to mention the fact that this really kind of bruises my ego. It just reminds me that I am not independent, and it makes me feel weak and vulnerable and not awesome. It's not like teaching is the only career opportunity that I have, because I could pursue many other avenues (probably with fewer roadblocks), but I really want to make a difference in the world. I really want to help the kids that I teach become better human beings. It's something I've always wanted to do. When this kind of stuff comes up, it makes me feel like I can't do it. Well, it makes me feel like people are telling me that I can't do it, and that is totally wrong. I usually don't let adversity get the best of me, or even the worst of me, but it's really difficult to not feel a little sad.