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Here I go a-ranting
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I don't usually rant very much here, but a topic has kind of grabbed my mind, and I wish to address it here so that some type of an awareness exists on it. Also, if this topic seems to apply to you personally, my forthcoming rant is not meant to attack you personally, but if it does apply to you, seriously, what's WRONG with you?

Now that the disclaimer part of my rant is over, I will reveal the topic of my rant: couples who share a single e-mail address. Yes, you read that right TWO people who share ONE e-mail address. I know! It grosses me out to even mention it, but apart from it being extremely disgusting, there are a multitude of reasons why it is just sickening. Yes, I am using the right adjectives here: gross, disgusting, sickening, revolting, repulsive, nauseating and sordid. And, yeah, I will totally admit that I just now used Microsoft Word's thesaurus function to get half of those. It doesn't make it any less true.

As a single person, I am aware that I am somehow "broken," especially in the point of view of non-single people. Some non-single people can be very nice, and I love them (shout out to my parents here), but other non-single people see themselves as superior to single people, and they are cutesy and disgusting, but whatever. This rant is not about how non-single people are disgusting and evil. This rant is about how non-single people who actively use the same e-mail address as each other are disgusting and evil. What was I even saying in this paragraph? I know I had a point... Oh yeah, my point was that I may have a sort of skewed view of non-singles, but that it in no way affects my opinion on this subject.

So, the first reason that people should never share an e-mail address is because it is logistically unsound. If I want to send an e-mail to Linda, but I have to send it to both Linda and Bob, Bob might check my e-mail intended for Linda, and then the next time Linda checks the e-mail, she doesn't even get my e-mail. And, yeah, this thing has happened to me before, and it's disgusting. Linda didn't get my e-mail because of Bob. And while I think that both Linda and Bob are perfectly nice people, apart and together, I sincerely don't understand why they have to share an e-mail address. Is it just to gross me out? Because, mission accomplished. And it's not like Linda and Bob (names changed to protect the grossness) are like great grandparents and really old and new to technology and stuff like that. If they were, I wouldn't be complaining about this right now. Really old people who have been married for thousands of years can share e-mails like that without making me want to vomit out my internal organs. But, Linda and Bob aren't old. They are both actually YOUNGER THAN ME, which makes them mid-20s. But, to conclude this paragraph: it just doesn't make sense to share an e-mail address when pertinent information to just Linda comes through and she never gets it because Bob is nosy and reads it, thus marking it read, and then Linda never sees it. It's not just me here; I mean that makes sense, right?

The second reason why it is absolutely revolting for a couple to share an e-mail address is because it speaks so negatively about their relationship. It says: "Hello, we are so insecure about what the other person does on the Internet, that we have to share an e-mail address and read every mail that comes in even if it's not about me personally. I just don't trust my significant other when it comes to the world wide webs." And that doesn't even make sense, anyhow. If Bob was getting freaky on the Internets, he would just sign up for another e-mail address behind Linda's back, and that's where he would sign up for Playboy's weekly newsletter.

The third reason why is disgusting beyond belief for a couple to share an e-mail address is that it is so gag-reflex-inducing (I didn't get that one from Microsoft Word). It says, "We are so one that we are not even individuals anymore. We are LindaBob, kind of like the Borg on Star Trek. We can never be apart, never have our own lives, never have separate interests or business opportunities, or our own separate e-mails. If Linda gets a Women's Day virtual chocolate e-mail from her best girlfriend, Bob gets a Women's Day virtual chocolate e-mail, too. We are assimilated." Okay, so that's really creepy, right? I know I'm not wrong. I mean even if that one Borg girl from Star Trek was kind of hot, it's still really a bad idea for everyone to be exactly the same and Borglike, right? Getting married or being in some type of crazy committed relationship doesn't annul these basic truths, but when you share an e-mail address with your significant other, it looks like you hate things like individual freedom, freedom of expression, and personal space.

For the record, it's gross. It's disgusting. It's repulsive. If you do this, I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this, but you are incredibly sickening to, like, most of the population. I'm sure there are other Borg just like you who don't care, but can you really trust their opinions (or should I say, "opinion")? No, you can't. Because they are Borg. They just want to assimilate you into their collective consciousness so that no one has original ideas ever again.

Also, I don't really care if couples know each other's e-mail account passwords. That doesn't gross me out. If you are really kind of insecure about what Bob is browsing for on the Internet, go ahead and take a peek into his account. That's fine. You're not Borg. We don't have to know about your insecurities (or predisposition for spying). But, when you share an e-mail account with your SO, we know that you are insecure and about your predispositions. We also might not e-mail you as often because we don't want to talk to Bob, who is always checking the e-mail way more often than you are, and we know that we are just wasting our time by sending you an e-mail in the first place, and also, you're gross.