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Journal of gratitude, entry #23: my trials
Joan of Arcadia
Today is Day #23 of gratefulness. I'm grateful for my trials.

When I wrote the list for my gratitude spree, 23 days ago, I actually was quite grateful for my trials. They make me a stronger, better and more refined person.

Today, however, I'm slightly less grateful for them. Actually, scratch that, I'm a lot less thankful for them. It's because I've had a pretty rough month. I won't go into details, but it just seems like I'm fighting a very rough, uphill battle. The harder I try to forge forward, the further I seem to go backwards, which can be frustrating. Especially because I'm doing everything right and trying my absolute hardest.

I digress, however.

Everyone knows I'm no stranger to hardships and trials. I have a lot, but I don't want to elaborate on them. I feel like everyone has difficulties in life, and some may seem harder than others. One thing I do know is that no matter what our difficulties are, they have the power and possibility to fill us from our toes to our head if we let them. It doesn't matter what they are, to each person they are very real, and to each person they are painful and hard. It's impossible, really, to compare my trials with your trials or anyone else's. They are all equally trying.

When I think back to the person I was before I was paralyzed, I feel like I was smaller. And not in size, but in maturity, in discipline, and in my soul. Back then, I was reckless and inconsiderate. I was prideful, impatient and flighty. I lacked self-awareness and tact. I am a 100 times better person today than I ever was as a walking person.

Not that I'm perfect now, by any stretch of the imagination, but I have learned what it means to be more patient, considerate, humble, and kind. And, unfortunately for me, the only thing that could have made me change for the better were my trials. And for that, I am grateful. I'm also grateful for the ability I have to learn from my difficulties, to (somewhat) conquer them, and to let them refine me instead of drag me down.

This is me in the Halo right after my accident, hanging with my sister Kellie.