I'm back from my trip to Utah. It was a good trip. I will definitely be missing my grandpa. I was okay for a very long time, until we saw him in the funeral home for the viewing. I couldn't look at him without crying, because there he was -- not alive. It was too real for me. Even at the funeral when we had another viewing beforehand, and I tried to get a little closer, but it just made me tear up, and I could not not cry. Also, this version of events completely conflicted with my dream I had (actual sleeping dream) of the funeral in which he wasn't dead, but we went through with the funeral anyways since we'd already made so much preparation. At the cemetery, it felt weird to leave my grandpa behind in the casket, especially because it was raining. (And I thought those rainy funeral things were like movie cliché that never happen in real life.)
I can't believe how strong my grandma was about the entire thing. I don't even think I saw her cry once, and I was practically bawling during the funeral service during my mom's, my cousin's and my aunt's talks. I said some stuff during the funeral luncheon about my grandpa, and I totally cried. My grandpa was awesome, and hearing about how awesome he was at the funeral just made me miss him so much more. Plus, when I stayed at my grandma's house, I was sleeping in my grandpa's study, which really isn't his study anymore, but it felt weird. I know that he is in a better place, but I want him to be here!
Anyhow, it was really sad. I should be happy, though, because my grandpa lived a good, long life. He was a man of integrity, and a good example to everyone around him. If I can live my life that way, I know that I will make a good difference to this world.